I have been feeling really energized lately. Even happy sometimes. I don't cry for no reason these days. It's...strange. Strange how quickly things change. Strange how normal I feel. Strange how hard it is to remember being sad.
There's a certain unknown factor that us been added into the mix of decision making/planning for the future. Everything that I want to do, everything I aspire to, feels limited by the possibility of longterm depression. Can I teach? Could I live abroad? Could I dare to be a missionary? I dream and hope, but in the end if just feels like too much of a risk.
I know life is complicated, and things are always going to have an aspect of difficulty...it's just hard when I realize that I am the complication. I am the difficult aspect. I'm resigned to trust the Lord with my happiness and to try desperately to be content where I am at right now. I don't do so well most times, but baby steps are all I can manage.
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