July 9, 2011

pretty good

"I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord...and from what I know of Him, that must be pretty good." [Sara Groves]

My mom is with Jesus. And my bet is, that's pretty good.

Miss her.

needs, prayers, and dreams

We had our first meeting with the foster care organization we are planning on working with last night. It was really encouraging. Throughout the conversation, we began to talk about the students who are least likely to be placed, and what types of "troubles" we would view as something we would not be willing to work with.

It's hard to say at this point. The hopeful part of me wants to bank on unconditional love and God's grace as coating any situation that we might enter into, but I know that doesn't mean it would be easy.

We are praying. Praying a lot right now. We have time. Our training doesn't start until October, which would mean that the soonest we could have children placed in our home would be around February. Which, honestly, feels really soon!

We are entering a new season of trust. It's just so crazy how my heart and my husband's heart is changing, being shaped by God for a new ministry.

Like, the ministry of giving hope and a home to pregnant teenage girls. Ever since it was mentioned last night as the most difficult to place, I haven't been able to stop thinking about these girls, homeless, pregnant, lost in a cycle they can't get out of without the grace of God.

Turns out that our type of situation is actually ideal for housing teenage girls who are expecting, because a lot of times foster homes turn them down because they already have young children, impressionable children, who they don't want being exposed to the complexities of that situation.

It makes me wonder whether or not we could do that. I just don't know. My heart aches for these girls, especially after watching one of my students carry a baby all through last school year. So we pray. And wait. And wonder what type of ministry God has in store for us.

I was at my friend's baby shower tonight. She's the first in our bible study to get pregnant. They talked about names. They felt her tummy. They showered her with gifts. And I'll be honest. There was a dull ache in my heart. But to be honest, it's less and less every day. Because there is a new growth in my heart now, a new dream. And now I find myself making room for plans bigger than mine, plans different, yes, but oh so beautiful.

I think of the experiences I have lived through, the families God has blessed us with, and the gifts and abilities Jeremy and I both have, and I smile thinking that God has something so specifically perfect in mind for us, it will surpass whatever we initially thought was the ideal family we would someday have.

I always wanted a big family. I wanted lots of pictures on the walls, lots of weddings to plan, lots of birthdays and celebrations and tons of kids gathered around the Christmas tree. And it seems like, in a special way, God may exceed my expectations. I wanted 5 kids. But it actually seems like we might get the chance to help care for more than I even imagined. That is amazing to me. A dream that makes me feel so alive and hopeful I just can't believe how sweet Jesus is.