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November 3, 2009

new life

I have been missing my mom a lot lately. I'm not quite sure what triggered this longing, but I find myself thinking about her throughout the day, remembering who she was, wishing she were here to see me all grown up. I wish I could talk with her about marriage and family. I wish we could have been friends as adults. I know that God isn't a thief...but still, I feel robbed at this point in time.

I also find myself grieving not only the present, but the past. There were so many things that I experienced when I was younger, things that I didn't know how to process. Now I look back and see the shambles of my childhood and adolescence, and I feel so much sadness for the situation. This fallen world brings so much pain. Death is not what we were created for, and I think that no matter what age a person is when they die, we still feel a huge sense of loss and longing for things to somehow be made right. I know that Christ is making all things right. I know that this is not the end of the story. But knowing my mom for only 15 years doesn't feel right or good at this point in time. Seeing my sister call someone else mom, no matter how great our step mom is, doesn't feel right.

I miss her. She would have loved me and comforted me through this season in ways that only a mother can do.

I remember the night we found out her cancer was "back", our pastor came over to be with us. We were sitting around the couch, crying, talking, and he asked if he could read any of our favorite verses. My favorite verse at the time was Revelation 21:4. Now, reading the entire passage, my heart finds such hope in what's to come.

3And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them,

4and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

5And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new "

[revelation 21:4]

I can't wait for the day that God is among us, wiping the tears from my eyes, eliminating death and suffering and pain and separation from us. I can't wait for the day that He makes all things new. Until then, this life in the body is carrying out the death of Christ, and in that death finding new life.

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