my own little sufferings

I realize that there are people in the world who are really suffering. Hunger, persecution, watching your children wither away from starvation, prostitution, kidnappings, rape, abuse, infidelity, abandonment.

That is not my life.

And yet, I find myself entering into my own share in the world of suffering.

Coming to grips with my past has not been easy.

But coming to grips with my future is turning out to be not any easier.

I don't even have the words to explain it all, but if you're a praying person and you happen to love me, could you just pray for my heart?

It has been broken in the past, but this is a different type of breaking. A deep, dream-breaking that has me shedding a lot of tears, praying a lot of sad prayers, and hoping above all else that my Jesus who redeemed my soul is working to redeem this story.

The Reckoning

My heart is breathing this song right now.

How long?
How long?
How long until this curtain is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?

And I know You hear the cries of every soul tonight
You see the teardrops as they roll tonight
Down the faces of the saints
Who grow weary and faint in Your fields

How long?
How long?
How long until this curtain is lifted?
How long is this the song that we sing?
How long until the reckoning?

Oh, the reckoning

You are holiness and grace
You are fury and rest
You are anger and love
You curse and You bless
You are mighty and weak
You are silence and song
You are plain as the day
But you have hidden Your face--
For how long? How long?

And I am standing in the stillness of the reckoning
The storm is past and rest is beckoning
Mighty God, how I fear You
And I long to be near You, O Lord

(Andrew Peterson)