Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
He talked about how for the believer, the rewards in Heaven will not be jewels or stones, they will be the words from the Lord: well done, faithful servant. I thought about that, and it resounded in my heart. When I stand before Jesus, I don't want a crown or wealth or status in Heaven...I just want Him to draw me into His arms, and I want Him to tell me that I did well. I struggled well, and that I was faithful. I want to see the story with eyes anew, and I want to hear Him tell the story...my story. I want to hear from His perspective what these struggles were. I want to know that something special, something unique, was birthed out of the death that I die each day. And I want Him to know that the only reason I learned to struggle well was so people would see Him through my sadness.
I hate "super" spirituality. I hate false fronts and cliche words. That is not where my heart finds rest. I don't find rest in quoting Romans 8:28. I find rest in the arms of the One who wrote those words to me. It's not a trite quote that brings me comfort, nor is it a solid resolve to do the right thing. It's in knowing that God wove me in my mother's womb...it's knowing that when asked whose 'fault' it was that the boy was crippled or blind, Jesus answered "It's no one's fault--it is so that God will be glorified."
I don't believe that this illness is anyone's fault. Rather, it is God's purpose and gift for my life. Oh, that I may learn to struggle well, to remain faithful in the really tough times, and to continue to look to Him, even when the darkness hides His face from me. Oh, that I may learn and truly know that God is the God who hears my cries. He is the answer.
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