...you pay 2 francs/euros to use the bathroom
...you refer to said restroom as the "water closet" (WC)
...you find yourself celebrating (possibly out loud) when restroom (that you paid 2 francs to use) has paper towels
...you refer to Diet Coke as Coca Cola Light
...you are willing to pay 6 Swiss francs (approximately $6) for a small bottle of said Coca Cola Light
...you are served Coca Cola Light in small wine glass with lemon (so fancy!)
...you (choke) don't get...free...refills (sob)
...you find yourself pretending to understand when people speak of measurements in kilometers or centigrade
...you eat delicious, lighter and sweeter and more-perfect- than- you- knew- was- possible pastries every morning...and afternoon...and night
...you're running down non-moving escalators to catch the next train
...your menu comes in four different languages
...you don't eat dinner until 10:30 pm (this is specific to Spain)
...there is a bank on every corner (specific to Switzerland)
...the streets are narrower than my apartment hallway (Spain and Rome, mainly)
...the cars are smaller than the toy trucks toddlers drive in the U.S.
...there is a candy or chocolate or ice cream store on every corner (Europe=heaven in this regard)
June 21, 2010
May 28, 2010
Home
The following quote is taken from The Last Battle, by C.S.Lewis. It's taken from the end of the book,where Peter and Lucy and Edmond are leaving old Narnia, headed for a new land. Their hearts are heavy, because they're leaving everything that have known and loved about Narnia. But then, when they begin to step into New Narnia, they realize that it's different, very different, but that in some ways, it was the same. It was their old Narnia, but it was new. And then, he explains:
"It is as hard to explain how this sunlit land was different from the old Narnia as it would be to tell you how the fruits of that country taste. Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the window there may have been a looking-glass. And as you turned away from the window you suddenly caught sight of that sea or that valley, all over again, in the looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time there were somehow different -- deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if ever you get there you will know what I mean.
It was the Unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right fore-hoof on the ground and neighed, and then he cried: "I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that is sometimes looked a little like this." (The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis)
This passage is taken from the last book in the series of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis. I have been listening to a series of sermons about heaven lately, and the pastor read this passage at the end of one of his sermons where he had spoken about what heaven might be like.
I find it interesting how the average American (and probably European too) has this concept of heaven that is extremely influenced by Hollywood. We think of fluffy clouds and floating and pansy looking angels and golden gates with apostles walking around, tablets in their hands, reading off their list who is allowed into the pearly gates.
I honestly don't think this concept of heaven could be more wrong. Since earth was created as the original paradise--God's original intent toward a perfect world--it's so silly that we assume God would make heaven be so different from what he originally created as a perfect earth. From what the Bible says about heaven, it will be earth redeemed, possibly much like this passage from The Last Battle hints at: very similar, but all together different from the earth we knew before.
I get so excited thinking about walking through heaven and seeing places that are familiar, but perfected. A new earth, created by a forever-good God who loves us more deeply than we could ever fathom.
I love the thought that we won't stop creating or doing what we love to do once we reach heaven. We'll still have holy work that we will participate in because God created us to do things: to work with our hands, to create, to write, to be artists and teachers and writers and lovers of literature and explorers and animal lovers and gardeners and singers and musicians. I love the thought that I might get to write forever in heaven...or that I'll get to keep learning about who Jesus is, a God that I don’t think we will ever grow tired of hearing and knowing about. I'll get to hear stories of the saints that lived on the earth in the beginning, or in countries I never got to visit. I love the thought that I'll get to be friends with Andreza, the little girl I support through Compassion International. Or that I'll get to introduce my husband to my mother and watch her delight in him, and him in her.
I love that I'll get to worship with believers from every nation and tribe and tongue. There are so many mysteries to the picture we are given of heaven. Who knows how it will work. But we know that it will be amazing. It will be everything our hearts have ever longed for here on earth. It will be God’s dwelling place. We will live in his presence. It will be our REAL home, and my heart will finally find rest in the presence of my Lord, Jesus Christ.
"It is as hard to explain how this sunlit land was different from the old Narnia as it would be to tell you how the fruits of that country taste. Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this. You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the window there may have been a looking-glass. And as you turned away from the window you suddenly caught sight of that sea or that valley, all over again, in the looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time there were somehow different -- deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked as if it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if ever you get there you will know what I mean.
It was the Unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right fore-hoof on the ground and neighed, and then he cried: "I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia is that is sometimes looked a little like this." (The Last Battle, C.S. Lewis)
This passage is taken from the last book in the series of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S.Lewis. I have been listening to a series of sermons about heaven lately, and the pastor read this passage at the end of one of his sermons where he had spoken about what heaven might be like.
I find it interesting how the average American (and probably European too) has this concept of heaven that is extremely influenced by Hollywood. We think of fluffy clouds and floating and pansy looking angels and golden gates with apostles walking around, tablets in their hands, reading off their list who is allowed into the pearly gates.
I honestly don't think this concept of heaven could be more wrong. Since earth was created as the original paradise--God's original intent toward a perfect world--it's so silly that we assume God would make heaven be so different from what he originally created as a perfect earth. From what the Bible says about heaven, it will be earth redeemed, possibly much like this passage from The Last Battle hints at: very similar, but all together different from the earth we knew before.
I get so excited thinking about walking through heaven and seeing places that are familiar, but perfected. A new earth, created by a forever-good God who loves us more deeply than we could ever fathom.
I love the thought that we won't stop creating or doing what we love to do once we reach heaven. We'll still have holy work that we will participate in because God created us to do things: to work with our hands, to create, to write, to be artists and teachers and writers and lovers of literature and explorers and animal lovers and gardeners and singers and musicians. I love the thought that I might get to write forever in heaven...or that I'll get to keep learning about who Jesus is, a God that I don’t think we will ever grow tired of hearing and knowing about. I'll get to hear stories of the saints that lived on the earth in the beginning, or in countries I never got to visit. I love the thought that I'll get to be friends with Andreza, the little girl I support through Compassion International. Or that I'll get to introduce my husband to my mother and watch her delight in him, and him in her.
I love that I'll get to worship with believers from every nation and tribe and tongue. There are so many mysteries to the picture we are given of heaven. Who knows how it will work. But we know that it will be amazing. It will be everything our hearts have ever longed for here on earth. It will be God’s dwelling place. We will live in his presence. It will be our REAL home, and my heart will finally find rest in the presence of my Lord, Jesus Christ.
April 8, 2010
Remembering
I looked back on the journal that I have been writing in (sparsely) for the past two years. It's a part of my story, and I felt like sharing it, because it is part of the story that has been unfolding in my life.
June 19, 2009
I don't want to be a Christian anymore. I feel like life is one huge joke that ends as ridiculously as it begins. God being God seems a farce at best. If I had a way out...I think I would take it.
Disillusioned. Frustrated. Let down. Discouraged. Beat up. Weary. Sad. Angry. Unwilling. Uncertain. Unconvinced. Afraid. Bruised. Doomed to fail. Rejected. Alone. Sorrowful...This is what I live with. This is how I feel. Maybe it is who I am.
I'm so tired of this game. SO tired. How is everyone else so capable of believing? I don't know if I will ever be convinced. I used to believe that You would be near to the wrestlers heart. Now, I just feel like You're leading me on in a game that can't be won, that will never end.
I'm done for a while.
Three days later, another entry:
I don't hate God. I don't resent Him (completely) and I don't want Him to leave me alone. At least not all the way.
I think there's something wrong with me- physically wrong. There has got to be a reason why I feel so detached, so frustrated, so quickly discouraged, and why I fall into so many pits so easily. There has to be more of an explanation than simple lack of faith or not believing enough truth.
Jesus, please help us figure this out. Keep me safe. Keep me close to your heart. I'm so confused and feel so out of control sometimes. I get so weird inside, that I can't think rationally enough to connect my emotions to stability. I don't know what is wrong. Please help us figure out what's wrong.
This must have been the point when we started investigating a different diagnosis. I knew deep down that there was something wrong, something not connecting quite right. It has been an interesting process since that point.
It's so hard to process the affect that emotional and physical depression has on people's lives. But I also can't believe how eventually, even when it feels like a long time, God does respond, and in His faithfulness (though sometimes hard to feel) He has not left us alone.
June 19, 2009
I don't want to be a Christian anymore. I feel like life is one huge joke that ends as ridiculously as it begins. God being God seems a farce at best. If I had a way out...I think I would take it.
Disillusioned. Frustrated. Let down. Discouraged. Beat up. Weary. Sad. Angry. Unwilling. Uncertain. Unconvinced. Afraid. Bruised. Doomed to fail. Rejected. Alone. Sorrowful...This is what I live with. This is how I feel. Maybe it is who I am.
I'm so tired of this game. SO tired. How is everyone else so capable of believing? I don't know if I will ever be convinced. I used to believe that You would be near to the wrestlers heart. Now, I just feel like You're leading me on in a game that can't be won, that will never end.
I'm done for a while.
Three days later, another entry:
I don't hate God. I don't resent Him (completely) and I don't want Him to leave me alone. At least not all the way.
I think there's something wrong with me- physically wrong. There has got to be a reason why I feel so detached, so frustrated, so quickly discouraged, and why I fall into so many pits so easily. There has to be more of an explanation than simple lack of faith or not believing enough truth.
Jesus, please help us figure this out. Keep me safe. Keep me close to your heart. I'm so confused and feel so out of control sometimes. I get so weird inside, that I can't think rationally enough to connect my emotions to stability. I don't know what is wrong. Please help us figure out what's wrong.
This must have been the point when we started investigating a different diagnosis. I knew deep down that there was something wrong, something not connecting quite right. It has been an interesting process since that point.
It's so hard to process the affect that emotional and physical depression has on people's lives. But I also can't believe how eventually, even when it feels like a long time, God does respond, and in His faithfulness (though sometimes hard to feel) He has not left us alone.
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. "The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."
[lamentations 3:19-26]
April 6, 2010
to live before Him...
I have been pondering for the past two weeks what it means to have a mature love for God. Disappointment with God has really challenged my understanding of what it means to walk by faith. I have encountered a new respect, a new love, for the person of Jesus Christ, and for the God who has orchestrated this entire beautiful story of redemption.
For almost two years, I have been battling an uncomfortable disappointment with the Lord. I have been numb, silenced, discouraged, and disheartened. Often, I have been extremely hopeless.
For years I tried to know God, tried to love Him, tried to serve Him.
For years I struggled with depression that I thought was my "fault". Worse, I thought it was the result of a spiritual deficiency. No matter what I tried or how hard I tried it, I couldn't figure out a way to pray myself into happiness, or "joy" as the Christians call it.
I struggled through listening to many people who tried to explain to me that in the Christian walk, life isn't always happy. In fact, God doesn't expect us to be happy, he just expects us to be joyful.
For years, I have struggled with this concept. For years I held bitterness toward people who tried to explain away my depression as a lack of joy, who tried to convince me that it was indeed within my grasp, if only I could figure out a way to resolve to be joyful in the midst of unhappiness.
For years, I reached for the Lord and ached for His presence in the deep parts of my heart. I poured over the word, drenched my heart and soul in his words to us, prayed my heart out. I dreamed of the Lord, I thought of Him when I woke up, I thought of him when I fell asleep. The problem was, my thoughts were not "happy, holy" thoughts. I struggled, intensely, with a God who orchestrates so much pain in the world. I struggled with a God who would create me to experience such internal sorrow. I struggled against a God who was silent, a God who hid himself when I needed him the most, a God who seemed to not care that people were accusing me of not being spiritual enough...He knew better, but He still didn't answer, and He didn't heal me.
For years, I stood in church services, completely numb, singing words I didn't feel. Out of obedience I would stand before the Lord. In obedience, I would kneel my heart before Him. I don't think people who have never experienced this will ever truly be able to know how it feels, but I feel compelled to still try to express it, because it has been so real to me.
For years I struggled with the goodness of God. After struggling and struggling without end, I finally chose to believe by faith that God is indeed good. And for two years, I have held onto that belief, though so much seemed to point against it.
When I was diagnosed as being Bipolar, things got better and worse at the same time. Part of me was so extremely relieved, so thankful that there was a medical diagnosis. That feeling of relief has grown even stronger as we have found a medicine that addresses the chemical imbalance, and I am able to actually feel normal and stable. I have been "myself" for almost 6 whole months now. I have existed and lived for 6 months without irrational crying, without suicidal thoughts, without hopelessness toward the future. This is truly a miracle to me, and I believe that this is a form of God's healing in my life.
When I was diagnosed, however, things also took a turn for the worse. Although we were able to figure out things physically, I shut down spiritually when I discovered that this was how God made me. I didn't know how to process relating to a God who had made me with the disposition of being clinically, chronically sad. I felt so betrayed, so hurt, so completely vulnerable. So for six months now (but actually for almost two years) I have been sitting still, holding myself tight, waiting for something to happen to help me pick myself up spiritually and keep moving toward the Lord.
I wasn't running from Him; I knew He was the holder of hope, of all the answers, the Author of my faith, the bringer of redemption...no, I didn't run away from Him. But I didn't know how to walk toward Him anymore, so I just crumpled to a heap, numb and cold, and stayed there quietly for two years.
These past two weeks have been the first two weeks in nearly two years where I have truly been able to look at the Lord, truly look into His eyes, and choose to think and process and move toward Him.
God in His goodness chose to put this book in my hands, and He chose to speak to me clearly through the words written by Philip Yancey. I have a new, deep, beautiful respect for Jesus now. I feel hope in knowing Him, and feel like there might be a way to pick up this relationship that has been in shambles for years and continue to move forward.
As Hosea so beautifully wrote, "He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, That we may live before Him. "
For the first time in years, I feel like I am ready to once again live before the Lord.
For almost two years, I have been battling an uncomfortable disappointment with the Lord. I have been numb, silenced, discouraged, and disheartened. Often, I have been extremely hopeless.
For years I tried to know God, tried to love Him, tried to serve Him.
For years I struggled with depression that I thought was my "fault". Worse, I thought it was the result of a spiritual deficiency. No matter what I tried or how hard I tried it, I couldn't figure out a way to pray myself into happiness, or "joy" as the Christians call it.
I struggled through listening to many people who tried to explain to me that in the Christian walk, life isn't always happy. In fact, God doesn't expect us to be happy, he just expects us to be joyful.
For years, I have struggled with this concept. For years I held bitterness toward people who tried to explain away my depression as a lack of joy, who tried to convince me that it was indeed within my grasp, if only I could figure out a way to resolve to be joyful in the midst of unhappiness.
For years, I reached for the Lord and ached for His presence in the deep parts of my heart. I poured over the word, drenched my heart and soul in his words to us, prayed my heart out. I dreamed of the Lord, I thought of Him when I woke up, I thought of him when I fell asleep. The problem was, my thoughts were not "happy, holy" thoughts. I struggled, intensely, with a God who orchestrates so much pain in the world. I struggled with a God who would create me to experience such internal sorrow. I struggled against a God who was silent, a God who hid himself when I needed him the most, a God who seemed to not care that people were accusing me of not being spiritual enough...He knew better, but He still didn't answer, and He didn't heal me.
For years, I stood in church services, completely numb, singing words I didn't feel. Out of obedience I would stand before the Lord. In obedience, I would kneel my heart before Him. I don't think people who have never experienced this will ever truly be able to know how it feels, but I feel compelled to still try to express it, because it has been so real to me.
For years I struggled with the goodness of God. After struggling and struggling without end, I finally chose to believe by faith that God is indeed good. And for two years, I have held onto that belief, though so much seemed to point against it.
When I was diagnosed as being Bipolar, things got better and worse at the same time. Part of me was so extremely relieved, so thankful that there was a medical diagnosis. That feeling of relief has grown even stronger as we have found a medicine that addresses the chemical imbalance, and I am able to actually feel normal and stable. I have been "myself" for almost 6 whole months now. I have existed and lived for 6 months without irrational crying, without suicidal thoughts, without hopelessness toward the future. This is truly a miracle to me, and I believe that this is a form of God's healing in my life.
When I was diagnosed, however, things also took a turn for the worse. Although we were able to figure out things physically, I shut down spiritually when I discovered that this was how God made me. I didn't know how to process relating to a God who had made me with the disposition of being clinically, chronically sad. I felt so betrayed, so hurt, so completely vulnerable. So for six months now (but actually for almost two years) I have been sitting still, holding myself tight, waiting for something to happen to help me pick myself up spiritually and keep moving toward the Lord.
I wasn't running from Him; I knew He was the holder of hope, of all the answers, the Author of my faith, the bringer of redemption...no, I didn't run away from Him. But I didn't know how to walk toward Him anymore, so I just crumpled to a heap, numb and cold, and stayed there quietly for two years.
These past two weeks have been the first two weeks in nearly two years where I have truly been able to look at the Lord, truly look into His eyes, and choose to think and process and move toward Him.
God in His goodness chose to put this book in my hands, and He chose to speak to me clearly through the words written by Philip Yancey. I have a new, deep, beautiful respect for Jesus now. I feel hope in knowing Him, and feel like there might be a way to pick up this relationship that has been in shambles for years and continue to move forward.
As Hosea so beautifully wrote, "He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, That we may live before Him. "
For the first time in years, I feel like I am ready to once again live before the Lord.
I will betroth you to Me forever...
"...yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in lovingkindness and in compassion. And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness.
Then you will know the LORD. It will come about in that day that I will respond," declares the LORD. I will respond to the heavens, and they will respond to the earth, And the earth will respond to the grain, to the new wine and to the oil, And they will respond to Jezreel. I will sow her for Myself in the land; I will also have compassion on her who had not obtained compassion, And I will say to those who were not My people, 'You are My people!' And they will say, 'You are my God!'"
[Hosea 2: 19-23]
"Come, let us return to the LORD, For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, That we may live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth."
[Hosea 6:1-3]
Then you will know the LORD. It will come about in that day that I will respond," declares the LORD. I will respond to the heavens, and they will respond to the earth, And the earth will respond to the grain, to the new wine and to the oil, And they will respond to Jezreel. I will sow her for Myself in the land; I will also have compassion on her who had not obtained compassion, And I will say to those who were not My people, 'You are My people!' And they will say, 'You are my God!'"
[Hosea 2: 19-23]
"Come, let us return to the LORD, For He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, That we may live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth."
[Hosea 6:1-3]
a mature love
"...think back to the images from the Prophets: God as Parent and as Lover. Both those human relationships contain an element of what God has always been seeking from human beings...the difference between those two relationships shows, I believe, what God has been seeking in his long history with the human race. He desires not the clinging, helpless love of a child who has no choice, but the mature, freely given love of a lover. He has been "romancing" us all along.
A lover possesses complete freedom, yet chooses to give it away and become dependent....God never got such mature love from the nation of Israel. The record shows God nudging the young nation toward maturity: on the day Israel advanced into the Promised Land, the manna ceased. God had provided a new land; now it was up to the Israelites to grow their own food. In a typically childish response, Israel promptly started worshiping fertility gods.
God wanted a lover; he got a permanently student child."
[Disappointment with God, pg.163]
A lover possesses complete freedom, yet chooses to give it away and become dependent....God never got such mature love from the nation of Israel. The record shows God nudging the young nation toward maturity: on the day Israel advanced into the Promised Land, the manna ceased. God had provided a new land; now it was up to the Israelites to grow their own food. In a typically childish response, Israel promptly started worshiping fertility gods.
God wanted a lover; he got a permanently student child."
[Disappointment with God, pg.163]
March 26, 2010
by faith
"...the pattern that began with Abraham continued: Isaac married a barren woman, as did his son Jacob. The esteemed matriarchs of the covenant-Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel-all spent their best childbearing years slender and in despair. They too experienced the blaze of revelation, followed by dark and lonely times of waiting that nothing but faith would fill.
A gambler would say that God stacked the odds against himself. A cynic would say God taunted the creatures he was supposed to love. The Bible simply uses the cryptic phrase "by faith" to describe what they went through. Somehow, that "faith" was what God valued, and it soon became clear that faith was the best way for humans to express love for God."
[Disappointment with God, Phillip Yancey]
Years of silence. Dark and lonely silence and waiting, supplemented by stark, naked faith. They waited for God to fulfill his promises. They believed God. What I wouldn't give to talk to one of these women, to know how it felt to live a life that depended on an invisible God. I wish I could talk to Jacob, who wrestled a blessing out of God.
These stories are full of drama: messy people, trying to figure out what it means to worship an invisible God and walk with him by faith. I wonder how far removed they felt from their creator? I wonder how often following God actually made sense to them? I wonder if the wives ever rebelled...well, actually, we know that Rachel had idols that she brought from her father's home, right? I wonder what God thought of that...?
A gambler would say that God stacked the odds against himself. A cynic would say God taunted the creatures he was supposed to love. The Bible simply uses the cryptic phrase "by faith" to describe what they went through. Somehow, that "faith" was what God valued, and it soon became clear that faith was the best way for humans to express love for God."
[Disappointment with God, Phillip Yancey]
Years of silence. Dark and lonely silence and waiting, supplemented by stark, naked faith. They waited for God to fulfill his promises. They believed God. What I wouldn't give to talk to one of these women, to know how it felt to live a life that depended on an invisible God. I wish I could talk to Jacob, who wrestled a blessing out of God.
These stories are full of drama: messy people, trying to figure out what it means to worship an invisible God and walk with him by faith. I wonder how far removed they felt from their creator? I wonder how often following God actually made sense to them? I wonder if the wives ever rebelled...well, actually, we know that Rachel had idols that she brought from her father's home, right? I wonder what God thought of that...?
"Disappointment with God is not a puzzle awaiting solution...
...rather, it is a problem of relationship between human beings and a God who wants desperately to love and be loved by us...God doesn't care so much about being analyzed. Mainly he wants to be loved. Nearly every page of his Word rustles with that message...it's a relationship between a passionate God- hungry for the love of His people- and the people themselves. All feelings of disappointment with God trace back to a breakdown in that relationship."
[Phillip Yancey, Disappointment with God]
I think that this sheds a lot of light on the struggle of disappointment with God. It's not an intellectual issue. It's an emotional, relational issue that centers in the hearts of humans, and connects with the heart of God.
[Phillip Yancey, Disappointment with God]
I think that this sheds a lot of light on the struggle of disappointment with God. It's not an intellectual issue. It's an emotional, relational issue that centers in the hearts of humans, and connects with the heart of God.
March 25, 2010
slightly disappointed
Just started reading this book. I am only a few pages in, but every word I read was just so refreshing and real to me.I have officially declared myself to be in crisis. I don't know the scale of colors--you know, the scale that tells you how serious a crisis is--but I'm pretty sure that I'm an orange.
yep, orange seems to be the perfect color to describe where I am.
I'm ashamed to admit that I once saw a friend reading this book, and I remember thinking "Oh, shoot, he's probably really struggling."
Well, let's just say that struggling isn't the worst thing in the world. In fact, we are encouraged to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. So I'm working it out. Slowly, painfully, and fearfully.
It's not that I don't love God. It's not even a lack of trust--not completely. I'm just at a place where I need somebody to be honest with me about following Jesus. Someone who's willing to be frank with me about prayer. Someone who can discuss some tough issues with me. My new friend Phillip seems to be the perfect person to dialogue with about this. So I embark on yet another journey--or rather, continue on the journey I have been on for quite some time--to figure out this whole Walking with Jesus thing.
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