December 11, 2012

dear elliot: a labor of love

"We worked so hard to get you here."

Those were your daddy's first words to you, and they were spoken through choked back tears. He was right. That moment when the midwife said "Grab your baby!" and I reached down into the water to scoop you into my arms...it was hard-earned.

We prayed for you. Our hearts ached for you, before we knew you would one day be ours. I cried, night after night, wondering why God had given my heart such a longing for motherhood, if His plan was not to fulfill that desire.

I think God made my heart ache for you, because He knew you Elliot. He knew you before you had even come to be. He knew you, and the beautiful story He had planned for you. And so He didn't take that ache from my heart.

So we prayed. And then we stepped forward in faith. And we worked so hard to get you here.

I was sick for the entire pregnancy, Elliot. But God provided. Every single morning, I woke up and said "I can't do this." And God said, "My strength is made perfect in your weakness."

Every night, I fell asleep fearful that something was going to happen to you. And God said "In quietness and trust will you find strength."

We worked hard, Elliot...but it was not truly of us. It was a labor of trust, a labor of daily submitting our story to the Author and Perfecter of our faith.

And now, when we hold you in our arms, we marvel at the blessing of your story unfolding before us, and still, we labor. Every day, we strive to submit our hopes and fears, our triumphs and failures, our weaknesses and strengths, to Jesus.

Someday all too soon, you will be leaving home. And your daddy will hold my hand, and we will both know in our hearts those same words, spoken through tears...we worked so hard to get you here. But we will know, in that moment, that it wasn't our work or striving that wrote your story. He is the One who is writing your story. And we are so blessed to be a part of whatever He has in store for your life.

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